MuSiC oF mY LiFe

~~Friday, October 26, 2007~~

Uni life is confusing me. mixing up my life. Keep having v mixed feelings. The feeling cannot really be described or explained, but its like someone purposely keep messing up my room again and again after I've spent whole darn days packing it. The more the person does it, the more disorientated I get and I get all cranky and poop.

Its been quite a ride this far. Having rode such a journey this far with numerous pushes and pulls is an accomplishment. But one can nv be complacent. Look at wad has happened now. staying in my comfort zone and comparing oneself with other pple worst off will make life seem simpler..happier. But having being in such a situation now, reality sets off and yet my life's nt moving. One fine day i looked up and realised that i m at the back of the crowd. Trying to pick up my speed a lil' but i stumble and fall. Lagging behind means nth, cos its like natural when competition started way long ago but i only started walking now. But, the least that could have happened was that i dun keep getting weak in my knees and fall hard onto the ground. Even crawling constantly is better than always falling and breaking my momentum.

Apparently, i just kept falling. And its having an impact on me. Doing what i can like a freakin' mugger, like a freakin' loner, like a freakin' noob, like a freakin' dumbass and that's wad i've received. great. life is fair. stupid nose better stop dripping and silly tonsils better contract to its normal size or else..

One example of self-failure. These wks can really tear me apart, rip my insides out. The cycle of studying and falling ill but continued studying repeated wk after wk..and yeah, i failed my mid-terms, badly. Ha. What went wrong, i asked myself, but soul searching can nv take place fast enough before the next shit falls. Anger and guilt just shoots up.

Also, do take a good look ard u and care of those who really care about u. For this, its really nv too late to start. Its nt that i just realised it. But, its just a message that i would like to re-emphasize again. Life is too fragile to be taken as a joke all the time. There's a short story to tell.

On the 1st day of guitar practise, a gal was feeling bored with pract when a boy who happens to be bored sat beside her and start to make friends with her. They got along quite alrite and they had company with a few of others soon and start to hang out more often at the club cos pract wasn't as bad afterall becos of each other. Coincidently, the bunch happen to be in the same small grp practise and soon became pals. Weeks past and altho this bunch only meet during practises, their bond became stronger. However, since all have their own cliques or say, lives outside of pract, they just kept their bond as there. After merely a few mths of friendship and staying in hostel, the grp decided to meet up for guitar pract on one sun. however on sat evening, the boy text the girl saying he wanna stay home slack for 1 more day. Thus, the pract was cancelled. On mon morn, the girl and the rest received a msg and an email. The boy passed away. All of them were shocked, cos the boy seemed healthy and all. They went his wake the next day in disbelief but all left with a heartache cos they saw wad they heard was true..

This is for ya, my friend, rest in peace. Thank u for ya friendship..

"its more than what we see that makes the feeling complete"

5:02 PM

~~Monday, October 22, 2007~~

Another week flew past just like that! HoHoHo. Nth exceptionally interesting happened during the wkdays. usual classes and lects, usual skipping of some tutorials cos i cant affort to go for all due to assignments deadlines or tests. However this wk, i have been trying to catch up on my calculus topics becos of my mid-term exam last sat! Everyday tried understanding it till i got bonkers. Even my senses became bonkers. Noe y? let me pick 3 instances for u.

1, i was having lect on a day n a friend of my asked me when was i able to catch up with her and company. Then i had to push e gathering away cos of my calculus exam. Then she replied sth like, "its sad cos 'ey r going on fri." i couldn't comprehend the msg! I was like, "ok...who's ey?" and she replied me with e list of names. And guess wad? i said,"u nv answered my qn. who's EY?" It was only after a while, i realised 'ey meant THEY. I mean, i use such languages all the time la! and i cud even tot tt EY was a person at tt time. =.=

2, i was dragged out for breakfast by my roomie 1 morn and all was fine until after i bathed and settled down in front of my desk, just wanting to start doing calculus WHEN....i started sneezing at a rate of around 3sneezes/min. No joke! Really tt many times. Tis went on all the way thru classes and all till nite time. And my nose became red and face became puffy. I used up 5 thick packs of tissue and a box and a 1/2 of those long box tissues. Even my roomie couldn't understood y. Haha. Allergy to calculus. The next day, it miraculously became well.

3. As i was studying maths after that allergy day, i was feeling quite alrite in e day during classes but nite when i touched my calculus book, i got real dizzy and couldn't even walk striaght tt i just staggered to my bed and laid paralysed for abt 2hrs, before i can bring my head up. >.<

See lar. hearing, smelling and vision affected. Faintx. But its OK! Cos after e blue days, there are bound to be better days! Sat approached! And i got up early to bathe and pack my stuff, went for calculus exam. Tho' tough but at least i think i tried and shld be able to pass. Haha. No mood to sit in further for chemistry lect so i went hm to put my stuff and unpack. after, went to meet pals for family concert! We managed to get a big pool of alumnis to go with us! Yay!

It was my 1st time watching NPS concert as an audience too. So was quite excited. hohoho. It was alrite lar. I think this time i see wad wasn't there in the past- their strength. Really alot of freshies performing. But v few seniors lar. haha. And..ALOT alOT of gals. Duno y. Haha. Can see their effort lar. but i think due to time constraint, they didn't hav much time to prepare for tis concert. Nvetheless, good effort pple! =)

Went ala meen for dinner after. Double yay! Ate the pattaya there. Wah seh. shiok. Other places cant compare man. haha..then after waited for plans. End up gg liquid kitchen to pub, play silly games and talked cock till e place closed. LOl. Till ard 3 headed hm cos shag le. LOl. i wonder did sum1 overheard wad jer n i were talking abt as we walked along e road...cos if so...oppx, sorry, dun get offended! It wasn't meant to be taken tt directly of wad u heard! =X At least my wkend wasn't tt bad. Today spend my day at hm doing stuffs and it was gr8. =)) Wkends are pleasurable. =)

"let e company blow e gloomy clouds away"

1:14 AM

~~Monday, October 15, 2007~~

Its nv too easy to maintain a blog when u r living in the hostel and the most common thing to do here is to slack, eat, surf net. Lol.

I was abit surprised by the concern of many pple who read my blog. Alot tot i failed my subs and got concerned. Haha..thx peeps, i appreciate it. FYI, i didn't fare too well in the tests so far..But nv fail major exams (tho' failed some quizzes) but will try'ta pick myself up soon. Haha..was still feeling quite low abt it somehow but just pray tt things will come by easily soon. Haha..gambette.

Things were pretty much hectic these few weeks. If i still didn't tell u all, i m in NTU guitar club. Been taking hours off everyday for meetings and all. Somehow its nt really worth it now, i think. Initially it was more for the passion for guitar to live on and for points to stay in hall. Now tt staying in hall isn't tt superb, and um, there are many things which i felt strongly abt for ECA clubs here, its nt tt moltivating to go for ECAs anymore. At least tt's how i felt. BUT, I m now their special project officer, of next yr's concert! So, pls pls pls. If u r free, come and watch kk??? At least come support me! haha..I will update on it again! Ha...

Anyway, alr blending in living with my roommate. Haha. THink she's used to my picky style on cleanliness and my craziness and my late nights and my weird habits and etc etc etc. HahaHA...Can say living with sum1 and only having 4 walls surrounding us will just force all our weird habits to be shown all out. HAh...lunatic acts of violence can just drive u nuts or crack u up after a whole day of sch. we really SHLD moltivate each other to study...RIGHT? *scratches head* NTU is really an isolated island from the world cos' sometimes u realised if u stay in hostel u will just get to a pt. tt u r simply too lazy to take a feeder bus, which is crowded most of the time, out to boonlay even before u can travel to ur destination. Haha.

Woots. Went out to celebrate Alvin's bday yest! Happy Birthday ALVIN!!! haha...Was so surprised the response was so positive. Msged 15 pple and all 15 pple went! *applaud for all* Shld have more outings like tt if possible. Simply miss u guys. Just thinking tt last time we can just hang out every few days or have fun-filled activities during weekends without worrying much about uni life, work, and life! ANYWAY, we went to eat Thai Express. wah, hot stuff...duno issit chilli on sale on Raya day. haha..Everyone just kept refilling our glasses of water lar. Haha..Went out till 5+am..woah..shag.

Oh yar, Happy Hari Raya to ALL! its for everyone too!~ So cleanse ur souls and live on better than ever. haha..

"let's take a deep breath and carry on."

9:45 PM

~~Monday, October 01, 2007~~

HO HO HO. Happy Children's Day! Y i've got NO holiday?!? Darnz. Nvm, its still a nice day to go ard smiling cos its still for anyone whom believe they still have some youth to celebrate. hekhek.

Its the start of sch again after wad was so -called a wk's break. Hw did i spend my last few days of hol? I've been working from thur to sat. Haha. Finally decided to drag my feet to work from thur. The feeling of working is alrite on hols but i can tell u its darn exhausting to work too while u r sching. Haha. Then on fri, did sth interesting. Went to jer's ns mid-autumn celebration. Nt tt THAT is interesting, it was the fact tt they had a karaoke competition tt's interesting. Haha.. I actually burnt a few songs tt jer might b interested to sing, and cos the rest of his campmates din prepare any song, 5 out of 6 songs i burnt were used by them to sing. They had NO choice. Haha...my cd became IMPT tt nite. hahahaha...after tt whole event, went over to clarke quay, saw some lantern decorations but nv bring cam! argh. nvm. And met up with some bakguasss at settlers. hahaha... it was hilarious la. every brainless game we played there really cracked us up. And i mean, EVERY. Can u imagine even the staffs there notice our noise level n consequently brought games tt are almost brainless and funny. LoL. We wanted to end the night in the wee hrs by sparkles but we din bring lighter. Nvm, NEXT TIME. hehe. I miss bakguas! haha...

On sat, i cant believed i manage to wake and drag my feet to work, after like reaching hm at like wad..3am on fri? haha..But ok lar. reached at 12 n i worked all the way..till guess wad..ard 10pm. after 5pm was like alone in office la. kaoz. haha. finished 3/4 for tt work but buai tahan so left le. haha..

Was so tired rite? sun morn my mum dragged us out to eat joochiat bak kut teh...haha..was like half-eating half slping liao la. Then she din wanna go hm, which i insisted i wanted to! cos i haven done any tut or wadever. she said v fast de..and we went katong complex..and..she shopped till 2!!! arh. But my dad was like e poorest thing of all, cos my sis n i were so bored we went to shop for perfume..and jus nice my mum saw n take the chance swipe dad's supp cc card! haha..Then dad ran away. really. he dun wan tag along after tt, go drink teh. haha...conclusion of tt day? no use running away from ur wife during shopping unless ur cc is not with her. if nt, end of the day, u will still b broke. hahaha...

My laughter was short-lived after, cos i din managed to study my maths quiz today(mon). I sorta PS my old clique cos of the quiz but got forced to go out with family which was ironic n not much of a choice so hai, gonna buang another maths quiz. duno wad's up with me also, cant seem to study well. its like a term le, results sux lor..50+ 60+. wad honours lor. bleah...haha...hope i can get my momentum gg soon!

P.S to old clique: Sorry guys to PS. It was involuntary! Hope u all understand. we'll meet soon again yeah? miss ya all too. =)

"with duties and responsibilties all ard, we just needa hav more faith n patience to see better days."

1:07 PM